Why Does the World Need Turnaround Marriage?

The other day, an acquaintance asked me how I was doing and how Turnaround Marriage was doing. He didn’t know much about what we do and thought it was just a hobby of mine. He was surprised to hear that Turnaround Marriage is now a full-time business-ministry for Rachel and me, with an incredible impact on Christians all over the country (and even outside the US). Six years in, TM is our calling from the Lord. It is our purpose. It is what we have been led to build: the very best method of healing and transforming a Christian marriage when it has been strained with distance, conflict, or broken trust.

We not only believe that, but we believe that our model is greatly needed in the world now more than ever.

We have the stats and evidence to see that traditional methods of trying to heal a marriage are not working fast enough, and the model of going once a week to talk about your problems and feelings is the slow, painful way, if it works at all. We believe what is needed is a completely different model - one that radically depends on God for that transformation.

There were a lot of reasons why we built TM years ago. But now there are even more.

This is why the World Needs Turnaround Marriage:

No Biblical Example – Many times Christians did not have a home where a biblical marriage was modeled. Even if they were raised in a Christian home, oftentimes the dad was not leading spiritually, and mom was not modeling what biblical woman looked like.

Culture – The culture is one of our strong enemies and people do not realize how deeply impacted they have been around media, movies, and modern-think. Culture’s definitions of love and marriage have impacted even the wisest among us. The truth is Hallmark’s fairytales are not what God designed marriage to be (He designed it to be something far grander), and our modern hook-up culture, easy, no-fault divorce and the redefining of what marriage is are all confusing believers about what marriage is and what it is for.

Bad Advice – People advise out of a place of wanting to help their friends and family to get out of their immediate pain – but do not usually speak from a perspective of what is in their best interests (or even to be selfless as God has called us). The advice is usually self-centered and not Gospel-focused. And the worst advice? Often, it’s the professional “help” that is unbiblical or destructive to the marriage.

The Church Can’t Do It Alone – I pastored in 4 churches, and I saw from the inside the sheer number of people that were struggling in their marriages. It was way too much for the pastoral staff to bear. Churches are usually trying – but the occasional Sunday School class or marriage event is not cutting it. With the statistics in the church no better than the world, divorce is rampant, marriages are in crisis, and Christians need both a proven system as well as godly mentors for the dynamics to change and heal. There is far too much disconnect in people’s hearts and homes, and the sheer volume of folks who need help is straining our pastoral staff. Often pastors are struggling in their own marriage, which compounds the problems in the church. In most cases people need not only Godly wisdom, but the tools to deal with past hurts, tools to encourage healthy communication and conflict resolution, and tools to build connection and oneness.

Spiritual Warfare – The truth is that so much of the “marriage helps” out there only think in terms of communication skills and adjustments in the marriage and neglect the spiritual component, thus ignoring the spiritual war all around. Clearly marriage and the family are under attack by our enemy, and Christians need to be equipped in spiritual disciplines, biblical marriage, and identifying the enemy’s lies and schemes. MOST times people come to us, the enemy has a foothold in their lives/hearts (often without their awareness)

Partnering with God – God is seeking to heal hearts. To heal marriages. He designed marriage to be a blessing. If you are struggling, it is NOT His fault. Equally so it is possible to PARTNER with the Holy Spirit in powerful ways once you clear away a lot of junk (lies, footholds, narratives, etc) and then reconnect with Him through repentance, self-awareness, and confession. Once you do, FLOODS of healing are not only possible, but they are also inevitable.

A Contractual View of Marriage is Pervasive – God has loved His people covenantally. He loves us even when we sin against Him. He has designed marriage to be a reflection of His covenantal love and that is why marital love is covenantal. So many do not understand this and think contractually (if you don’t give me x…then I won’t give you y). Christians need help understanding the covenant nature of marriage, especially as it is a picture of Christ and His Church.
Christian are too afraid to address mental health – I was on depression meds for many years (they didn’t work). Looking back, it was a physical, emotional, and spiritual issue. Meds only mask the problems. The truth is, so often people can live free of the meds and diagnosis that keep people stuck. I have even had pastors tell me “stay in your own lane” you don’t know what you are talking about. Wrong. I’ve lived it.

Counseling is too Slow – Christian counseling is often not effective, and often it’s labeled as “Christian” but the Word and prayer are rarely part of the process. And if it is biblical and wise, it is often too slow, and many couples quit before they get there because of that. Typically, having two appointments a month talking about problems will rarely bring much transformation. It is usually just cathartic – it feels good for a few minutes to vent and finally feel heard, but it does not change anything. People need to experience speed of change and see their efforts making a difference in how the husband and wife relate to one another.
The system is broken – Everything from merging worldly wisdom with Godly wisdom to diagnosing people with labels that keep people stuck, to insurance dictating what methods can and cannot be used, to focusing on problems and feelings rather than solutions and strategies to reconnect and heal – so much of the current system of marriage help is a cesspool of unhelpful advice that does not really help much at all. And so often, pastors often don’t see this - they don’t know how corrupt/evil/dangerous so much of the “marriage helps” are that are out there.

Emotions Are in the Way – People believe that they are missing information on how to do marriage (often true), but they often discount how much their nerves, moods, reactions, triggers, and emotions are getting in the way of true connection and healing in their marriage. When one is stressed out, angry, resentful, or bitter, there is no healing a marriage. Christians need tools to be able to deal with these FIRST, so that the marriage can then be addressed.
Don’t Know Biblical Teaching – They have heard verses, but they are missing a comprehensive understanding of the vastness of God’s plan for Christian marriages. Sermons here and there about marriage aren’t enough to equip Christians on how to do marriage God’s way.

Missing Practical Implementation – Not only do they need God’s Word, but they need PRACTIAL ways to implement it at home. Christians need to learn effective ways to resolve conflict, do the deep work of forgiveness, bring up sensitive topics, build deep connection, and restore trust in a marriage. Christians often lack these practical skills and need instruction, training, and coaching in these areas.

Need Biblical Wisdom – More than just knowing the Word, God’s people need Wisdom from Him. Wisdom is the ability to take knowledge and rightly apply it to your situation. It is severely lacking in many ways, but especially in marriage – and they need it now.
In-grained Victimhood – This permeates our culture and the even the local church. The truth is that there is “no one righteous, not even one.” When you have two married sinners, you have two married sinners. They are therefore both guilty parties. And until both husband and wife take total ownership of the log (or speck) in their own eyes, nothing will really change. There is a so much blaming that happens in our culture, and very little ownership. There is NO HEALING in marriage without taking ownership of your own failures and sins.

People Have Blind Spots (and Need Coaching) – We cannot see what we cannot see. People need someone who will love them, challenge them, and hold them accountable. This is nearly impossible for a local church pastor to do. He often has too much going on, too much on his plate, and too many struggling marriages to address. When a powerful Christian coach can help call out the deficiencies, unbiblical perspectives, and areas of failure, SO MUCH can change.
Intellectualism – Most people think they need some info to fix their marriage. The truth is that they most likely need an all-inclusive strategy that helps address the mind, heart, soul, and body. All of those areas need to be addressed to truly find transformation and healing. WAY MORE is needed than just a download of info. Until the other areas are addressed you can KNOW exactly what a Christian marriage should look like but be many miles away from it!

That is why we built Turnaround Marriage:
A system where we address the heart, soul, mind, and strength, showing Christians how to apply the two greatest commandments and implement the tools and habits to grow and heal a healthy, God-honoring Christian marriage.

Our Turnaround Marriage Signature Program is a 9-week marriage bootcamp, helping Christians go from crisis to closeness in weeks, not months or years, incorporating both group and individual coaching, practical tools, neuroscience strategies, and biblical wisdom to radically improve communication, intimacy, trust, and oneness. Built into our program is accountability, a high level of support, and the power of transformational coaching to help our clients see their problems and challenges differently. Our program is designed for Christians who are open to change, want to bring God back to the center of their marriage, are done blaming their spouse, and have a willingness to put in the work to create lasting change.

We also offer many other resources: workshops, self-guided courses, and other resources to strengthen your Christian marriage. And we have plans for a lot more down the road.

But we want you to know that we are committed in our calling to change the world, and the trajectory of family trees, one by one. Plesae help us spread the word - for families, hearts, the Kingdom, and our world.

For your marriage,

Scott & Rachel

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